Saturday, November 19, 2011


I can't stop crying, well, I do then I start up again. I just started thinking of when Katie was in the NICU, longest 16 days of my life. If she had been my first born, I do not know if I would have left the hospital much at all! But with an almost two year old who had never spent the night away from me until I went into labor waiting for me! The feeling I had every time I left the hospital was I was forgetting something. The pain of having to leave her over and over again. Longest 16 days ever with usually at least 4 trips to and from the hospital. I am amazed at the process of grief, of grieving "what should of been". My heart and soul goes out to those who lost a child, a spouse, or anyone in a manner of not "how it should of been". I am at peace with Katie and what happened and why. BUT that doesn't stop my heart from hurting!! I hurt for those who don't get to take their child home from the hospital at any age! I am sorry!! Compared to that my tears seem petty, but I allow myself grace to feel my feelings and hope I can continue to use my experience to help others. May the tears come in waves as I grieve and give thanks for Katie's life and her recovery! I thank God daily for her progress!!! I reflect to last year this time all Katie did was sit up. She has come a very long way!!
Thank you God!! Thank you for being with Katie when I wasn't. Thank you for being with me on each drive to and from the hospital. Thank you for being faithful in this long journey which is only the beginning!! Thank you God!!