I can't stop crying, well, I do then I start up again. I just started thinking of when Katie was in the NICU, longest 16 days of my life. If she had been my first born, I do not know if I would have left the hospital much at all! But with an almost two year old who had never spent the night away from me until I went into labor waiting for me! The feeling I had every time I left the hospital was I was forgetting something. The pain of having to leave her over and over again. Longest 16 days ever with usually at least 4 trips to and from the hospital. I am amazed at the process of grief, of grieving "what should of been". My heart and soul goes out to those who lost a child, a spouse, or anyone in a manner of not "how it should of been". I am at peace with Katie and what happened and why. BUT that doesn't stop my heart from hurting!! I hurt for those who don't get to take their child home from the hospital at any age! I am sorry!! Compared to that my tears seem petty, but I allow myself grace to feel my feelings and hope I can continue to use my experience to help others. May the tears come in waves as I grieve and give thanks for Katie's life and her recovery! I thank God daily for her progress!!! I reflect to last year this time all Katie did was sit up. She has come a very long way!!
Thank you God!! Thank you for being with Katie when I wasn't. Thank you for being with me on each drive to and from the hospital. Thank you for being faithful in this long journey which is only the beginning!! Thank you God!!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
My Grandma
But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.
This passage reminds me of my Grandma Lehmann!! She was a beautiful, wonderful, lovely woman!! I would be happy to live a life like hers!! May God fill me and mold me to be more peaceful. To put others first all the time, without feeling resentful. May God mold me and help me be more gentle and sincere and peace loving!! May I bless the lives of others as my Grandma blessed mine!! It will be two years ago this month that she passed away!! She is truly a beautiful perfect angel now!!
I love you Grandma!!!! I miss you so much!! Thank you for showing me how to be a Godly wife, mother and grandmother!! You were beautiful in so many ways!! You were warm, caring, loving, kind, spirited, gentle and fun loving!! I know you are having fun singing and dancing and watching us grow to be more like Jesus!! Thank you!!! I love you so much Grandma!!!! I miss you!! Hugs and kisses!!
This passage reminds me of my Grandma Lehmann!! She was a beautiful, wonderful, lovely woman!! I would be happy to live a life like hers!! May God fill me and mold me to be more peaceful. To put others first all the time, without feeling resentful. May God mold me and help me be more gentle and sincere and peace loving!! May I bless the lives of others as my Grandma blessed mine!! It will be two years ago this month that she passed away!! She is truly a beautiful perfect angel now!!
I love you Grandma!!!! I miss you so much!! Thank you for showing me how to be a Godly wife, mother and grandmother!! You were beautiful in so many ways!! You were warm, caring, loving, kind, spirited, gentle and fun loving!! I know you are having fun singing and dancing and watching us grow to be more like Jesus!! Thank you!!! I love you so much Grandma!!!! I miss you!! Hugs and kisses!!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Faith
Faith is something that is not easy to come by and is a lifelong struggle to truly keep. But faith is searching and finding. Faith requires trust in that which you can't see, trust in something greater! God requires faith, we are forced to believe. Believe in what we can't see, but I believe that creation is filled with too much beauty to be chance. It is easier to believe that God exists than life is worthless, meaningless and temporary. My Katie exudes hope, joy, and life in her little miracle of a life!! There is a God!! I believe he allowed Katie's stroke to occur, but I believe He has restored her and has used her stroke to better my life, my family's life and those closest to us. I am a better person!! I am a better mom, a better friend, a better prayer, a better wife! God has used my struggles to better my overall life, so I can show His Love and Faithfulness!! God is faithful and we must have faith. Faith that we have a greater purpose!! So believe, have faith, have hope and LIVE your life to it's fullest!!
Hebrews 11
1 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. 2 Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation.
3 By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.
4 It was by faith that Abel brought a more acceptable offering to God than Cain did. Abel’s offering gave evidence that he was a righteous man, and God showed his approval of his gifts. Although Abel is long dead, he still speaks to us by his example of faith.
5 It was by faith that Enoch was taken up to heaven without dying-“he disappeared, because God took him.” For before he was taken up, he was known as a person who pleased God. 6 And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.
7 It was by faith that Noah built a large boat to save his family from the flood. He obeyed God, who warned him about things that had never happened before. By his faith Noah condemned the rest of the world, and he received the righteousness that comes by faith.
8 It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. 9 And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith-for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. 10 Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.
11 It was by faith that even Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and was too old. She believed that God would keep his promise. 12 And so a whole nation came from this one man who was as good as dead-a nation with so many people that, like the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore, there is no way to count them.
13 All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. 14 Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. 15 If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. 16 But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
17 It was by faith that Abraham offered Isaac as a sacrifice when God was testing him. Abraham, who had received God’s promises, was ready to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, 18 even though God had told him, “Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted.” 19 Abraham reasoned that if Isaac died, God was able to bring him back to life again. And in a sense, Abraham did receive his son back from the dead.
20 It was by faith that Isaac promised blessings for the future to his sons, Jacob and Esau.
21 It was by faith that Jacob, when he was old and dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons and bowed in worship as he leaned on his staff.
22 It was by faith that Joseph, when he was about to die, said confidently that the people of Israel would leave Egypt. He even commanded them to take his bones with them when they left.
23 It was by faith that Moses’ parents hid him for three months when he was born. They saw that God had given them an unusual child, and they were not afraid to disobey the king’s command.
24 It was by faith that Moses, when he grew up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to share the oppression of God’s people instead of enjoying the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He thought it was better to suffer for the sake of Christ than to own the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking ahead to his great reward. 27 It was by faith that Moses left the land of Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger. He kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible. 28 It was by faith that Moses commanded the people of Israel to keep the Passover and to sprinkle blood on the doorposts so that the angel of death would not kill their firstborn sons.
29 It was by faith that the people of Israel went right through the Red Sea as though they were on dry ground. But when the Egyptians tried to follow, they were all drowned.
30 It was by faith that the people of Israel marched around Jericho for seven days, and the walls came crashing down.
31 It was by faith that Rahab the prostitute was not destroyed with the people in her city who refused to obey God. For she had given a friendly welcome to the spies.
32 How much more do I need to say? It would take too long to recount the stories of the faith of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and all the prophets. 33 By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight. 35 Women received their loved ones back again from death.
But others were tortured, refusing to turn from God in order to be set free. They placed their hope in a better life after the resurrection. 36 Some were jeered at, and their backs were cut open with whips. Others were chained in prisons. 37 Some died by stoning, some were sawed in half, and others were killed with the sword. Some went about wearing skins of sheep and goats, destitute and oppressed and mistreated. 38 They were too good for this world, wandering over deserts and mountains, hiding in caves and holes in the ground.
Hebrews 11
Hebrews 11
1 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. 2 Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation.
3 By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.
4 It was by faith that Abel brought a more acceptable offering to God than Cain did. Abel’s offering gave evidence that he was a righteous man, and God showed his approval of his gifts. Although Abel is long dead, he still speaks to us by his example of faith.
5 It was by faith that Enoch was taken up to heaven without dying-“he disappeared, because God took him.” For before he was taken up, he was known as a person who pleased God. 6 And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.
7 It was by faith that Noah built a large boat to save his family from the flood. He obeyed God, who warned him about things that had never happened before. By his faith Noah condemned the rest of the world, and he received the righteousness that comes by faith.
8 It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. 9 And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith-for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. 10 Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.
11 It was by faith that even Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and was too old. She believed that God would keep his promise. 12 And so a whole nation came from this one man who was as good as dead-a nation with so many people that, like the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore, there is no way to count them.
13 All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. 14 Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. 15 If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. 16 But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
17 It was by faith that Abraham offered Isaac as a sacrifice when God was testing him. Abraham, who had received God’s promises, was ready to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, 18 even though God had told him, “Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted.” 19 Abraham reasoned that if Isaac died, God was able to bring him back to life again. And in a sense, Abraham did receive his son back from the dead.
20 It was by faith that Isaac promised blessings for the future to his sons, Jacob and Esau.
21 It was by faith that Jacob, when he was old and dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons and bowed in worship as he leaned on his staff.
22 It was by faith that Joseph, when he was about to die, said confidently that the people of Israel would leave Egypt. He even commanded them to take his bones with them when they left.
23 It was by faith that Moses’ parents hid him for three months when he was born. They saw that God had given them an unusual child, and they were not afraid to disobey the king’s command.
24 It was by faith that Moses, when he grew up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to share the oppression of God’s people instead of enjoying the fleeting pleasures of sin. 26 He thought it was better to suffer for the sake of Christ than to own the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking ahead to his great reward. 27 It was by faith that Moses left the land of Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger. He kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible. 28 It was by faith that Moses commanded the people of Israel to keep the Passover and to sprinkle blood on the doorposts so that the angel of death would not kill their firstborn sons.
29 It was by faith that the people of Israel went right through the Red Sea as though they were on dry ground. But when the Egyptians tried to follow, they were all drowned.
30 It was by faith that the people of Israel marched around Jericho for seven days, and the walls came crashing down.
31 It was by faith that Rahab the prostitute was not destroyed with the people in her city who refused to obey God. For she had given a friendly welcome to the spies.
32 How much more do I need to say? It would take too long to recount the stories of the faith of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and all the prophets. 33 By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight. 35 Women received their loved ones back again from death.
But others were tortured, refusing to turn from God in order to be set free. They placed their hope in a better life after the resurrection. 36 Some were jeered at, and their backs were cut open with whips. Others were chained in prisons. 37 Some died by stoning, some were sawed in half, and others were killed with the sword. Some went about wearing skins of sheep and goats, destitute and oppressed and mistreated. 38 They were too good for this world, wandering over deserts and mountains, hiding in caves and holes in the ground.
Hebrews 11
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Positive versus Negative
Positive versus negative. What do you do more throughout the day- give thanks or complain, see the good in people or their annoyances, love or are indifference? Do you have more positive thoughts than negative thoughts? I am talking day in and day out, I understand we all have our bad days or down days. On most days where do your thoughts lie?
The Bible says that where your thoughts are that is where your heart is. The book, Crazy Love says that how you spend your days is how you spend your life. So, think about that- where are your thoughts, is that where you want your heart, think about your days- how do you spend them?- is that how you want to spend your life?
If most of your day is spent watching too much tv is that what you want your life known for or if you clean too much or you don't know what you do all day is that what you want to be know for?
If you spend it worrying or complaining or gossiping is that what you want to be known for?!?
I want to live a life of love and encouragement and giving!!!
I want people to see Christianity as a positive thing, not a negative thing!!
I want you to love more, encourage more and give more!!
I will talk another time on giving because it doesn't take money to give!! But that's for another day!!!
Today... Think, do, look at more positive things than yesterday!! Give thanks to God for all you do have!!!!
I love you!!!!
Live love!!!!!!
The Bible says that where your thoughts are that is where your heart is. The book, Crazy Love says that how you spend your days is how you spend your life. So, think about that- where are your thoughts, is that where you want your heart, think about your days- how do you spend them?- is that how you want to spend your life?
If most of your day is spent watching too much tv is that what you want your life known for or if you clean too much or you don't know what you do all day is that what you want to be know for?
If you spend it worrying or complaining or gossiping is that what you want to be known for?!?
I want to live a life of love and encouragement and giving!!!
I want people to see Christianity as a positive thing, not a negative thing!!
I want you to love more, encourage more and give more!!
I will talk another time on giving because it doesn't take money to give!! But that's for another day!!!
Today... Think, do, look at more positive things than yesterday!! Give thanks to God for all you do have!!!!
I love you!!!!
Live love!!!!!!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Not of This World
I have the sticker on my car. Yes, I do. This world is about status, money, places, and things, things, things. If we focused more on people really loving people and we give with no end care, love, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, friendship, honesty, joy, kindness, patience, encouragement, and LOVE!!! Let's make this world a better place. Are you happy? Do you have a full heart? All the time, ok 99% of the time, I do!!!! I can be beat down, but I pop right back up! I am better, I can help make this world better! You can too!! Try to love more than hate! Try to compliment more than critisize, try to care more than ignore, try to forgive more than hold on, try a genuine smile more than a solemn face! Love, overwhelming love!! I do not love you with my mere love capacity. But with the love I have been given by God, through God!! I do not live for this world!! I live to make this world more like the next.
It is not easy by any means!! BUT LOVE!!!
Love today more than you did yesterday!! LOVE!!!!!!!
It is not easy by any means!! BUT LOVE!!!
Love today more than you did yesterday!! LOVE!!!!!!!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
How do I pray?
So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.
We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Lord. For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins. Col 1:9-14
This is an example of how I pray! I pray your needs will be met! I pray for patience and overflowing love and joy!! I pray you find strength and endurance to make it through each day!! I pray you will experience God's peace and presence!! I pray you will feel God's arms around you, that he may hug you when you need it and carry you when you can't walk!! I pray you will know God's Will and plan for your life! I pray you give your thoughts and worries to God and surrender your cares!! I pray for unity and relationships!! I pray for your spirits to be lifted!! I pray you won't think I'm crazy. I pray you will know how much you are loved!! I pray for you!! I love you!!
We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Lord. For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son, who purchased our freedom and forgave our sins. Col 1:9-14
This is an example of how I pray! I pray your needs will be met! I pray for patience and overflowing love and joy!! I pray you find strength and endurance to make it through each day!! I pray you will experience God's peace and presence!! I pray you will feel God's arms around you, that he may hug you when you need it and carry you when you can't walk!! I pray you will know God's Will and plan for your life! I pray you give your thoughts and worries to God and surrender your cares!! I pray for unity and relationships!! I pray for your spirits to be lifted!! I pray you won't think I'm crazy. I pray you will know how much you are loved!! I pray for you!! I love you!!
Struggles
How can we live life without struggles? We can't!! Why do I feel discouraged when all I want to do is encourage others! Life, I think God finds way to bring us back to him. I think God works in us to help us develop experiences so we can help others. I may come across as smiley and always cheery, well, maybe not real lately, but I am trying to help others by being ME. I am not perfect!!!!! I am not smiley, happy, loving, cheery all the time! I struggle, I have screwed up! I am broken!!! But the awesome thing about being broken is God uses broken people!!! God can use ME! Little old insignificant ME!!! I am ready!!
God can use me, all of me!! He can use my depression, my broken and restored friendships, my daughter's stroke and Cerebral Palsy, custody disputes, my failed classes, court cases, my divorce papers, my drinking binges, my loneliness, my anger, my rape~ to help other people. Wow, that was a difficult list to put out there!! Please don't judge me! I know I screwed up! I know I have my part in ALL my mistakes and failures. I know I am forgiven! And I have forgiven others! Forgiveness is a HUGE part of the healing process!! I have hit the pit of complete and utter despair, I have climbed back up to be knocked down again! Some might ask why would God do that? Well, God DID NOT but He sure did make good out of the horrible!! God is Good!! God is faithful!! When I am alone in this world, I am not alone!!! I struggle with believing in all the components of Christianity sometimes. Can all this really be real? But as I look back I see how GOD held me, God was there when no human was, God heals, God loves, God is there for me and YOU!!!! I am too!! I am putting myself out in the open so I can help others!! Contact me if you want to talk! Obviously, some topics are harder than others, you may have never know all this about me, but I will work on being open and honest. You will see the true me!! I do not speak well in person, I guess my brain can not configure words, so I keep quiet! So, please don't take offense if I don't talk to you the same in person as here!! This is the real me!!! I love you!! I am praying for you!!! Thank you for taking the time to read me!!! :)
God can use me, all of me!! He can use my depression, my broken and restored friendships, my daughter's stroke and Cerebral Palsy, custody disputes, my failed classes, court cases, my divorce papers, my drinking binges, my loneliness, my anger, my rape~ to help other people. Wow, that was a difficult list to put out there!! Please don't judge me! I know I screwed up! I know I have my part in ALL my mistakes and failures. I know I am forgiven! And I have forgiven others! Forgiveness is a HUGE part of the healing process!! I have hit the pit of complete and utter despair, I have climbed back up to be knocked down again! Some might ask why would God do that? Well, God DID NOT but He sure did make good out of the horrible!! God is Good!! God is faithful!! When I am alone in this world, I am not alone!!! I struggle with believing in all the components of Christianity sometimes. Can all this really be real? But as I look back I see how GOD held me, God was there when no human was, God heals, God loves, God is there for me and YOU!!!! I am too!! I am putting myself out in the open so I can help others!! Contact me if you want to talk! Obviously, some topics are harder than others, you may have never know all this about me, but I will work on being open and honest. You will see the true me!! I do not speak well in person, I guess my brain can not configure words, so I keep quiet! So, please don't take offense if I don't talk to you the same in person as here!! This is the real me!!! I love you!! I am praying for you!!! Thank you for taking the time to read me!!! :)
Monday, September 12, 2011
Overflowing
I am overflowing!!! Overflowing with love and joy, overflowing with blessings!!! I am thankful!! So, thankful!! I am thankful at how I see God in every part of my life!! I can see how He has caught me when I've fallen and held me when I was down in the dumps!! At the lowest part of my life I have had the conversations with Jesus that have deepened my faith! When I wept and sobbed and could not talk Jesus was there, He comforted me, He held me at my loneliest moment!! I have found comfort in Him and I am filled with courage!! I have God on my side I can overcome the world!!
I have watched Katie be seen by Dr after Dr and each is amazed and astounded by the miracle of her progress. Katie is not the child whose history is on the charts. She is an amazing miracle!! Katie gives me hope and courage!!!
I am filled and I must overflow!!! I must share my courage and give encouragement!! I must share my love and joy!!! I must bubble over and help others find peace, forgiveness, grace, mercy, strength, and LOVE!! God is good!!! He can fill the void in your heart!!! He is overflowing with love and forgiveness!! I have found Him and you can too!!!
I have watched Katie be seen by Dr after Dr and each is amazed and astounded by the miracle of her progress. Katie is not the child whose history is on the charts. She is an amazing miracle!! Katie gives me hope and courage!!!
I am filled and I must overflow!!! I must share my courage and give encouragement!! I must share my love and joy!!! I must bubble over and help others find peace, forgiveness, grace, mercy, strength, and LOVE!! God is good!!! He can fill the void in your heart!!! He is overflowing with love and forgiveness!! I have found Him and you can too!!!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Joy
Are you filled with joy? Not happiness, JOY! I am striving to live with more joy!! I see some people who just radiate with joy!! My daughter may just be one of those people. I believe the spirit of Jesus runs through her veins and as He heals her, He shines through her! She not only fills me with joy, but all those who meet her are amazed and comment on her joyful spirit!
A book I am reading defines joy as more than just delight, contentment, and gladness- it is the substance underneath! Joy gives us strength, not just to survive but to live meaningful lives!! What gives you joy? My joy comes from the Lord!! It comes from serving Him and doing what God's whats me to do!! I find joy in sharing my joy, well, God's joy with others! Can I challange you to love others above and beyond? Look at your life as a way to serve others and ultimately serve GOD!!! Find your joy, live for God and find His purpose for your life!!
Love you!! May God lead you and bless your life with JOY!!!
A book I am reading defines joy as more than just delight, contentment, and gladness- it is the substance underneath! Joy gives us strength, not just to survive but to live meaningful lives!! What gives you joy? My joy comes from the Lord!! It comes from serving Him and doing what God's whats me to do!! I find joy in sharing my joy, well, God's joy with others! Can I challange you to love others above and beyond? Look at your life as a way to serve others and ultimately serve GOD!!! Find your joy, live for God and find His purpose for your life!!
Love you!! May God lead you and bless your life with JOY!!!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Do You Ever Wonder?
Is there a God? We all wonder sometimes. Even me, I have known nothing different, I grew up in a wonderful, blessed Godly home. I have been to church since I was born. I had heard every Bible story, but had never sat down read the Bible and made it mine! Until this year. I have read up until Proverbs... so far. It is a lot of take in, but I have had an opportunity to make it mine. One of the things I have come to understand in the Bible it talks about fearing God. God disciplines those He loves and we are to obey Him and FEAR Him. Just like you are supposed to have a fear of your father, a respectful fear, this is to keep us on the right path NOT live a life of fear. God is there to take away our worry and anxiety and stress and in turn we do our best to follow his rules and ways. Now this is NOT easy for everyone to do all the time ever. But we are to do our best and ask for strength to do what is really hard or seems out of our reach. Back to my first question... Is there a God? My answer is still YES!! And if there is not I do not think that I will have wasted my life trying to be the best person I can be or to show enormous amounts of love to EVERYONE!! I pray for people I REALLY dislike, as well as, those I love and cherish. I try to encourage and value EVERYONE!! This is not easy for me I am a quiet and shy person in general. I do not evangelize well. But I am a testimony and will give God the glory for my life, my daughter's life and all my friends and family. I have seen God's unwavering faithfulness throughout my life and through all the complication of my daughter's life. I can see the hand of God in my falls and my faults. I have made bad choices, lots of them, going against what I knew in my heart was right. NONE of my bad choices have left me in a better place, NONE of my bad choices left me feeling better in the morning, NONE of them!!! That is enough reason for me to live my life for God. I will live, love and long for what is good and right and Godly. He has been there for me in my pit of despair and he has been there in my most fantastic day. God is there for me!! God is there for YOU!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!!!
Monday, June 6, 2011
crying
Today I cried! I sobbed!! They were tears of relief!!! Tears of a weigth lifted! I won't have to breastfeed forever!! Don't get me wrong I LOVE and ENJOY breastfeeding, but the thought of not knowing if it was going to be another, 2 months, or 6 months or over a year of exculsive breastfeeding, just brings exhaustion!! Today after therapy Katie drank 2 ounces from a straw cup, with consecutive swallows and kept it all down!!!!!!! It was at therapy, just after session, I was overwhelmed, but didn't brag too much there because nearby there was a little 3 year old girl who couldn't even sit up independently. So, I told her therapist and left and called her dad!!! Then the tears came, to the store, to the bank and all the way home. Just relief that she will be able to drink from a cup at some point soon, regularly. At lunch some came back out and some went down, an improvement over most or nearly all coming back out!!! So, she hasn't mastered it, but she is capable!!!! Katie is amazing!! I just felt God was telling me, "See you can't control this, no matter how hard you try, you can't make her drink. That's between Me and her! Trust ME!!" So, God I will trust you!! I trust you with my most precious treasures, my 3 children!! They each need You!! I trust you with my finances!! I do not know how we made it this far, but You will continue to provide!!! I trust You!! You will give the strength, time and energy to give to others, to show Your Love, to spread Your Name! May You be given the Glory!! Thank you Lord!!! Thank you friends for your prayers and kind words of encouragement!!! Thank You!! I have no words to express my deep gratitude to you!! Thank you!!!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Difficult questions
My head is full of stuff! Researching online... does Katie have oral aversion, liquid aversion, oral motor issues, swallowing issues? Will Katie ever really see me from 30 feet away, will she be able to attend regular school, will she be able to read, will she be able to drive, what will she be capable of? What can I do? I want to be told what I need to do, so I can do it! Just tell me! What do I need to do? Guess what no one can tell me, well, no human can tell me. I guess God is telling me I need to trust him. Well, now in the process of typing I KNOW that is what He is telling me. It is hard, so hard. But it is not with my strength I do things, but by GOD's strength, so I know that He is in charge and He will light my path and guide my way. But man, I am frustrated!! But I guess not as much now. God will help me! I will trust in Him because hours on the internet with no answers and time frustrated with unmet expectations and endless worrying helps no one. So, I WILL TRUST IN GOD! Oh, may God be with me!! :-)
Friday, April 8, 2011
Mosh Pit
Yep, never quite thought I could say, "Ya, I was totally in a mosh pit!" But I was! In celebration of our 10 year wedding anniversary John and I went to see Rise Against, Bad Religion, and the Descendants. It was definitely an awesome experience!!! The crowd was a large variety of people! From people in collared shirts and sweater vests to people wearing no shirts or short skirts, people old enough to be my parents or grandparents to kids who could be my own. It was very interesting to see the crowd dynamics! The Descendants were up first and really I don't have much knowledge of them other than 2-3 songs from John's ipod. We were stand offish and the crowd was just starting to warm up. For Bad Religion we scooted forward 10-15 feet, and soon after they started a mosh pit started right in front of us. At first I thought, "Wow, I am less than 3 feet front a full blown mosh pit." Within a song or two we were at the outskirts of the mosh pit- helping people up and pushing people back in. It was very interesting to watch the dynamics of a mosh pit. I would say 1% were pure pricks, 5-10% were intoxicated beyond reason and incoherent to what there true actions were, about 75% were intoxicated in some way and just having fun, and the rest were not intoxicated but high on adrenaline and the overall rush of the concert (us). I don't count the $10 beers at 7pm to have any influence over Bad Religion that came on near 9pm and Rise Against who came on around 10:30. (That was the worst part was having to wait 30-45 min between the 3 bands.) Okay, back to the mosh pit and the consideration and compassion in the mosh pit. Yes, I said consideration and compassion. It was amusing to watch these big tatted up guys, shoving, pushing, lunging, but if someone fell, they would form a barrier line to help the person up, and make sure they were okay. People would stop along the edge of the mosh pit to fix their shoes which got flat tired, put there hand on a stranger's shoulder, fix their shoe, say " Thank You," then head back into the pit. I received several apologies throughout the night. I was impressed watching the concern and care of the scary looking skins head guys, who knocked someone too hard. The big tough intimidating guys took more than a moment to make sure people were okay. I am certain beyond doubt that every mosh pit isn't this way, but seeing that mosh pits can be a caring environment for controlled violence, dancing, and lots of energy to enjoy REALLY loud music.
Well, It was Bad Religion where I enjoyed the outskirts of the mosh pit. It was exciting and intense! Then in between sets a group of three girls moved in behind us. One girls was sitting in a chair, there are no free standing chairs on the floor so don't know where she got it, but the chick sitting in it was intoxicated well, well beyond legal limits. She had no clue that there was a concert going on around her. Her friends were trying to protect her by keeping people from bumping into her. They were being mildly successful given this is all between sets, we are shoulder to shoulder with no live band, or mosh pit. But I asked one friend what they planned to do when the pit started back up. She must have been plenty intoxicated too, because she explained to me that people weren't there to see Rise Against (the headlining band), so she could handle it and wasn't worried about it. We tried to tell her that no one has left the floor or the arena and it was CLEARLY still full and packed and crazy, but... what more can you do. SO, Rise Against starts and simultaneously so does the mosh pit, RIGHT in front of us, so the girl in the chair in directly behind us! It was entertaining TRYING to hold the pit so I don't knock down the little 90 lbs girl and her basically passed out friend. By the end of the first song a young man forcefully encouraged them to move NOW. So, we are still front line of the pit, after a few songs I get floored by a 6 1/2 foot man, who landed on my calf and I couldn't go anywhere but down and couldn't get up till his disoriented butt got off my foot. This was followed by the roughest moment as I got smacked in the head with a shoulder and got the wind knocked out of me. So, John's answer to the pit was to just join in. He pushed us in together we make it around once and I get floored by a very large, massive guy. John gets pinched off as people try to help me up. So he gets shoved away as I get helped off the floor. Was I scared you may ask? No, not really, as soon as I hit the floor I felt a cocoon of people holding the line as 3 or more people pick me up. Overwhelming? Absolutely!!! I made my way around the pit a few more times looking for John. Unsuccessful, I stood on the stage side edge of the pit and enjoyed the band for a few minutes until John found me. Then we took a few steps back, tired and out of breath, and I think John was a little scared of me getting hurt. I wanted to go back in once more but John was reluctant, then the pit got CRAZY as the last songs were played.
It was fun!!! It was great!!! It was awesome!!! An exciting way to spend some quality time together to do something new and different!! Oh, and I would SOOOOOOOO do it again!!!! :-)
Now we get to truly celebrate our 10 year anniversary in 13 days!!!!!!!!!!
It was an experience I will never forget!!
Well, It was Bad Religion where I enjoyed the outskirts of the mosh pit. It was exciting and intense! Then in between sets a group of three girls moved in behind us. One girls was sitting in a chair, there are no free standing chairs on the floor so don't know where she got it, but the chick sitting in it was intoxicated well, well beyond legal limits. She had no clue that there was a concert going on around her. Her friends were trying to protect her by keeping people from bumping into her. They were being mildly successful given this is all between sets, we are shoulder to shoulder with no live band, or mosh pit. But I asked one friend what they planned to do when the pit started back up. She must have been plenty intoxicated too, because she explained to me that people weren't there to see Rise Against (the headlining band), so she could handle it and wasn't worried about it. We tried to tell her that no one has left the floor or the arena and it was CLEARLY still full and packed and crazy, but... what more can you do. SO, Rise Against starts and simultaneously so does the mosh pit, RIGHT in front of us, so the girl in the chair in directly behind us! It was entertaining TRYING to hold the pit so I don't knock down the little 90 lbs girl and her basically passed out friend. By the end of the first song a young man forcefully encouraged them to move NOW. So, we are still front line of the pit, after a few songs I get floored by a 6 1/2 foot man, who landed on my calf and I couldn't go anywhere but down and couldn't get up till his disoriented butt got off my foot. This was followed by the roughest moment as I got smacked in the head with a shoulder and got the wind knocked out of me. So, John's answer to the pit was to just join in. He pushed us in together we make it around once and I get floored by a very large, massive guy. John gets pinched off as people try to help me up. So he gets shoved away as I get helped off the floor. Was I scared you may ask? No, not really, as soon as I hit the floor I felt a cocoon of people holding the line as 3 or more people pick me up. Overwhelming? Absolutely!!! I made my way around the pit a few more times looking for John. Unsuccessful, I stood on the stage side edge of the pit and enjoyed the band for a few minutes until John found me. Then we took a few steps back, tired and out of breath, and I think John was a little scared of me getting hurt. I wanted to go back in once more but John was reluctant, then the pit got CRAZY as the last songs were played.
It was fun!!! It was great!!! It was awesome!!! An exciting way to spend some quality time together to do something new and different!! Oh, and I would SOOOOOOOO do it again!!!! :-)
Now we get to truly celebrate our 10 year anniversary in 13 days!!!!!!!!!!
It was an experience I will never forget!!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Simple Things
Today I laid in the grass and looked at the ground. The grass, the dirt, the leaves, the flowers, the bugs, everything little tiny and insignificant, but it is those little things that surround us. Joy in the simple things! I touched the fuzzy stem of the grass. Studied different parts of the grass and found teeny tiny flowers you can't see when you stand up! I had the kids gather around and look and touch and hold. I don't know why it so intrigued me, but it was simple and astonishing!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Eventful morning
Wow! What a day! My mom called at 8:15 this morning to let me know she had fallen. She had found the nearest urgent care center and needed to get there. I hurried off the phone saying I will be right there. John was at therapy with Katie and Johnny was still in pjs. I had one day care client and he came along for the ride. I have always said they are an extention of my family and today was the perfect example. I was glad Katie wasn't there while we waited for 45 min in the waiting room, she would have scooted all over the place or screamed about wanting to. Kids were figety but well behaved and I am glad I always have something fun in my purse- candy, pez and lollipop, a little bike, and a bug book. If I had my car I would have been set but I had to take John's car with nothing fun or useful in it. I had to go home and get Katie and another day care kid and then headed back to get my mom. Now in my car with four car seats, stroller, diaper bag, snacks, and a MOVIE. Perfect timing as she finished up as I pulled in and they rolled her out to my car immediately. An hour and a half after our arrival she spent less than 10 minutes with the Dr. who said there is certainly no fracture and so he wouldn't order an xray. SO she is supposed to spend two days off her feet, then go to HER Dr if her legs still hurt and he can order an MRI to make sure there is no ligament or tendon damage. I don't know, I'd rather see an xray to make sure nothing is broken now, rather than wait two days or more and see her in excuriating pain. I can sympathize more with people who care for their parents. It is scary! To see your Mommy in pain and not be able to really help her. To feel the panic and worry as I drive to her house not having thought to ask 20 questions about what happened. Thankful she held herself together and composed so I could keep it together to help her. Wow! She is an amazingly strong, wonderful woman- MY MOTHER!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Disneyland
Johnny's quote of the night was, " Mommy, I did not love the fireworks."
Monday, March 28, 2011
Amazing!!!!
I wanted to share the testimony of what God has done in the life of my daughter, Katelyn Marie Jeanblanc. Katie is 14 months old, born on January 22, 2010. Last year at this time she couldn’t look to her left and had substantial left sided weakness. I feared my daughter might never see, walk, or play, that she might be like a newborn for a long time and never be normal. Her movement and vision were significantly impaired. She would kick her right leg and not her left leg; reach with her right arm and not her left arm. Her gaze would focus on the right and I wondered if she could even see her mommy and daddy.
We knew why she was having so many problems. 12 hours after birth we found out she had a bleed in her brain. After numerous tests and scans we learned she had a stroke in utero and had extensive brain damage, a bilateral intraventricular grade 3 hemorrhage with hydrocephalus and multiple cystic areas. We still have no medical reason to why this happened, but we have many suspicions to God’s reasons. We have had hundreds of people praying for her over this last year- prayers for healing, blessings and growth.
In this last year her daddy and I have worked every day to push her to potential. I expected nothing less than her potential. Katie has amazed us all with her abilities. But the true realization came three weeks ago. I took her to see a GI doctor to make sure there was not an underlying problem with her petite body and slow weight gain. The Dr. came in and after talking had no concerns with her height or weight, but she took a moment to look over Katie’s chart and it was her look of amazement that has brought reoccurring tears of joy to my eyes. In amazement she says, “Wow!” in disbelief that Katie was the same child as in the chart. That one “Wow” has been ingrained into my memory of the miraculous abilities of our God. My little girl is highly functional! She is active, talkative, scooting all over the place. She will probably never crawl and that’s okay, but we are praying that in the next few months she will take her first steps. We must wait to see what effects the bleed had on her in all academic areas, but my little girl can sit up, scoot, communicate, feed herself, and love.
I am thankful to our glorious God for her healing. He has filled me with faith, hope, joy and love! There is no medical reason for her miraculous success and recovery. Only an Amazing Miracle performed by our Amazing Physician! May we praise His name forever!
Today
Today I am enjoying my children! Listening to Katie talk and talk and babble! Let Johnny and his friends play in the mud! Chatting with Katie therapists! I actually got some stuff in the attic! Not organized but up at least. I secretly hope to go to Disneyland tonight! Life is about loving those closest to me! In so many ways! Nothing important about today, but what it is all about... love!
Friday, March 25, 2011
A Little Bit of Everything
I am not sure where to start. I am nervous to start opening up. My life has been a pretty good one. I have awesome family! I have two Godly wonderful parents! They raised me to know unconditional love. One of my current new years resolutions is to reach out to people. To show that I care to new people, people beyond my norm, beyond my comfort space. I am stuck inside my house 5 days of the week, except to run errands or go to baseball games. I feel like a useless caged animal sometimes. I enjoy and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my job and that I get to stay home with my children. I get to love these children like my own. I get to take care and love my children 24/7. But with that love comes the craziness of behavior and having to be the bad guy. I wish I could just love all the time, but that wouldn't be good parenting alone. I like to ramble and my thoughts can go all over the place, so my writing will too! Well, I want to love people outside of my house I want to show love to people who don't know the love I have known. I want to share my love and in turn God's love. I am a Christian, not some crazy goofy weird Christian, but a down to Earth normal person, but I want to make a difference. I just recently started to realize how blessed I truly am! I know I am loved! I know I am loved by many many people! I am not perfect, I am not a model citizen or Christian. But I try hard to do my best! I am a really good person. I love, I care, I try to uphold my morals, and I have faith and hope in God.
Love- what does loving people mean? It does not mean loving everything about a person, what they are or what they do. It means loving them as a person, love can be simple or it can be extremely complex. But loving people no matter what they have done to me in the past is easier for me, because of my family. They raised me to love and forgive and forget. Forget does not mean out of my memory, but a fresh start to love like new. I have been hurt to the core of who I am but I am a better person with better relationships because of it. Some of the very worst moments in my life have shaped me into who I am today. I am thankful for that!
Care- I want to do what I can. I can't make house calls or do play dates as I would like. I do care about so many people. I pray a lot! This is a way I can help. I can reach out to those who need a listening ear. I can pray for those who need it and that is easy because we all do! We all need prayer! Whether things are good or bad we need prayer! I have seen the miracle of prayer work multiple times in my life. At some point I will go in to the details of those moments. But for now just know I care, I love, I am here for you!
Love- what does loving people mean? It does not mean loving everything about a person, what they are or what they do. It means loving them as a person, love can be simple or it can be extremely complex. But loving people no matter what they have done to me in the past is easier for me, because of my family. They raised me to love and forgive and forget. Forget does not mean out of my memory, but a fresh start to love like new. I have been hurt to the core of who I am but I am a better person with better relationships because of it. Some of the very worst moments in my life have shaped me into who I am today. I am thankful for that!
Care- I want to do what I can. I can't make house calls or do play dates as I would like. I do care about so many people. I pray a lot! This is a way I can help. I can reach out to those who need a listening ear. I can pray for those who need it and that is easy because we all do! We all need prayer! Whether things are good or bad we need prayer! I have seen the miracle of prayer work multiple times in my life. At some point I will go in to the details of those moments. But for now just know I care, I love, I am here for you!
The Beginning
Finally I will share my brain and its inner working with you. I know some of you have wondered what goes on inside my friendly, sweet sometimes freakishly too nice brain. I guess this will be more like a journal for me and you are welcome to read if it interests you. Thanks! Much love to all of you who care about me and love to all you who don't too! :)
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